Dreamer.

I’ve always been a dreamer.  When I was little I would dream about my prince charming. Falling in love.  Getting married. I dreamed about being a smart strong cool grown up.  I dreamed about changing the world.  Breaking the mold.  Doing something truly over the top with my life..

As I grow up.. my dreams seem to change and evolve or time… I now dream about growing up little movers and shakers of my own.  About doing something with my day to day normal life that is special.  Having a successful loving marriage.  Some-day’s my dreams are about silly stuff… like getting a massage… or making it to the end of the day where I can relax at home.

There is one good thing about being a dreamer— You always are being pushed forward. You always are striving to accomplish. You see the day to day not as how it is but you see the potential, you see the end goal… and no matter how hard the means may feel you see the end… then its worth it.  This for me has helped me meet so many goals, it pushed me to speed through college, stay strong in the long stay of abstinence before marriage, this has pushed me to be a motivated hard working person (most days at least).  For this I am thankful for my dreams.

BUT, there is one big downside… as I grow it seems that one dream leads to the next.  All this looking forward just leads to more looking forward… What I mean is that as a dreamer its hard to stop and enjoy once your dream is realized.  Its hard to just stop. Be thankful. And stand in awe of this huge blessing you are getting to experience for no other reason than grace.  I tend to just zoom past the here and now and zoom on to the next dream..

So I charge myself to stop. Be thankful. Be in awe that I have been given a chance to live out so many of my dreams.. already…

If you are anything like me, I hope you will do the same. Stop. Enjoy.  The days are evil..

Love. Amanda

 


Stress stinks.

*Photo by me

*photo by me

We see signs of stress everywhere.

loosing things, not being able to sleep, eat, keep up, be healthy, we bite our nails, twirl our hair… the list goes on.

Stress I sometimes think is eating our society alive.  I can’t think of one person I know that is not stressed– either its money, time, relationship, jobs– most times its all of the above..

You know what sucks about that, you don’t have time to be or do anything else when you are stressed.  Motivation gives out, time gets eaten away and the moments you have its hard to really stop and do the things you long to do… Creativity is hard to enjoy.  People seem less appealing.  All you want is solstice- a break.  A break from stress.

How do we break free from the worries of tomorrow? How do we find ways to enjoy today?  How do we remain ourselves, passionate about the small things in life, even when our minds become crowded by these big things? I really am not sure.  It’s hard.  We have to be intentional. Really we all need to set more boundaries (coming from the girl that is probably the biggest push over ever).

I want to find a way to push against this tide.. To not let stress eat away all my motivation, all my excitement, all my creativity… Some days this feels futile but on ward I go nonetheless.

love, Amanda


Sweet Dreams.

**Photo by Brent Idleman

Just in the mood to write a bit tonight…

So many things in life change so quickly.  Just a small shift and all of a sudden everything looks different.  Everything that we seem so sure about becomes uncertain just in an instant.  I wonder if that is why faith is a journey that spans a lifetime… We only see glimpses of beauty, of a creator, of hope and amazing love and then all of a sudden something in our lives moves just slightly and we have to fight to see that thing we were so sure of just moments earlier.

Love is the same.  I think that’s why we fall out of love so easily these days.  We have to fight to see those we love in that special way everyday.  We have to remind ourselves of the glimpses of good we saw in them when life gets hard or when we fail each other.  And sometimes its not easy to remember.

I hope to be able to see the world not as it really is but to see it for its potential.  If we judge one another for each moment we all fail.  If we can see each other for the potential that we all hold that we all hope for… then this world becomes a much more beautiful place.

Tonight I hope to dream about my hopeful tomorrow and to remember all the reasons why I love and even better than that why I am loved back with unconditional love.

Sweet Dreams.

Amanda


New Life.

These days, I have been enjoying the sunshine when it decides to come around.  The spring has a magical ability to make the dullness of the day to day seem fresh and new again.  It brings energy and life to ‘the routine’.  I love spring!I love feeling all fresh and hopeful.  I love how even our seasons tell us the story of faith… Every year the dead winter comes back to life all on its own.  Just because that’s how God made it.  If God can take care of the flowers and the weeds and bring life back to these simple things, how much more does he do for us.  No matter how dead our lives and hearts may feel… if we believe he can bring life to our lives.

Enjoy the spring! It’s magical!

*photo by Brent Idleman


Road Bumps.

*Photo by Brent Idleman

This week has been a fun one.  Husband has commissioned me to see the bright side, have some faith and to get happy.  I am not sure that I have been particularly unhappy about any one thing that past weeks..months… but it seems that life if flying by in a pace that I cannot keep up with– leaving me often feeling emotionally depleted at the end of the day.. and when new stresses come up my secret eternal pessimist rears its ugly head.

Of course as soon as you determine a new path– road bumps arise.  Monday morning, husband calls, with a strange question, “Have you seen the car?” my immediate response… WHAT? I thought we left it right outside the house… we spent about 5 minutes trying to remember the last time we used the car and where is was parked… all the while my co-workers listening in and chuckling at the odd nature of our exchange.  We determined the car was lost and called the Po-Po.  It turns out street cleaning.. just on that particular side of the street… was going on that morning and the car had been towed.  I packed my stuff and took a trip with husband to pick it up and pay the $100 fee… The bright side was looking dim…

The week has perked up though we were able to enjoy yoga and a viewing of Tangled at the Byrd… But I did go to work with my shirt on inside out and am sitting on the couch now still like broccoli because any effort beyond moving my fingers seems like a difficult prospect, my whole body feels tired, even my toes and always there is more to be done…

So, my lesson learned is that if I want to be a more happy, faith filled individual, that husbands like to be around, I probably need to stop waiting for the perfect, most favorable conditions.  There is always something.  Having faith is knowing life is good, it’s a gift even when its long and busy and expensive.

This is hard. Experiences. Time constraints. All these things are such big factors in our lives and determine so much of our emotional state… But with faith I want to move past my frustrations and gain peace.

Hope you are hanging in there,

Love, Amanda


Sunny Side.

**Photo by Brent Idleman

 

Since our weekend away  and the recent change in weather my frown has been turned upside down.  Things are looking a little more sunny in the Idleman house.  Warm weather, a little TLC and some loving can go a long way in brightening spirits.

I find that as I start to feel shiny and new again I am able to laugh so much more.  Laughter is the best way to bring people together.  Someone may rub you wrong or be a stranger and once you share a good laugh together those weird feelings seem to melt away.

Most the time at work the giggles begin with a silly ‘that’s what she said’ remark from Danielle, she’s good. Friday we had a real good laugh for a whole new reason– I brought the physical comedy to a new level in the workplace.  I sit in the middle of our small office, in between my two lovely co-workers making me the go to lady for passing papers back and forth.  So Friday I am passing papers in my cool rolly chair and get the silly idea I should had back a confirmation number for the transaction.  In my excitement I rolled to my right with a little more vigor than necessary and toppled over taking my phone with me and grunting on the way down.  Needless to say this brought on uncontrollable waves of laughter through the office.  The worst part was that I came so so very close to peeing myself, I was laughing so hard. That would have been the worst leaving work due to peeing myself. yikes.  I still have a bruised butt — but it was so worth it.  The office was in high spirits the rest of the day.  We enjoyed a great laugh together and if there were any weird feelings lingering they were gone.

At home me and Brent having been taking more time to be silly together again, not all serious talk but more fun and games.

It seems the best way to beat the blues is to bring a little fun into your day.

May you find ways to take this grown up life a little less seriously– laugh, enjoy the weather and have faith the rest is in his care.

Love,

Amanda

 


Get Away….

So the past few months have been a bit of a blur…Lots of work. Lots of challenges.  Little time for us.

This whirlwind has taken a toll.  The last few weeks I have taken up crying in random public places with friends.  I have had to sing — I can’t wait to be patient, because patience is a wonderful thing– to myself more than usual.  In an attempt to relax, reflect, love and become rejuvenated me and Brent stole away for one night to the beach.

It was just what we needed to reconnect.  When you start  getting run down, being selfish, stealing away, spending a little bit of money you don’t have is worth it.. Before you loose your way and loose the strength to give.

So if you are feeling close to E, stop. slow down. find your way to relax. So you don’t hit rock bottom and you maintain the strength you need in the Lord to love others, most especially your significant other.

Love, Amanda

The Beach In Photos–